Faith and Patience

This morning as I was grumbling to the Lord about the lack of a manifested breakthrough in my life I suddenly saw the phrase 'Patience' flash across my spirit. Then I knew in my heart that it meant that I needed to add patience to my faith. I somehow needed a spiritual 'hardiness' during this time -- between the time of the promise and the time of the manifestation. That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises. Heb 6:12 King James Version I felt a little flustered. Because it reminded me of the sermons I used to hear in my previous church of 'soldiering on' and 'bearing' the suffering and struggle till the manifestation. Then tonight, as I lay my head down to sleep, I began to sing in my heart to the Lord. And in His Prescence, I suddenly realized what He meant. You see, the Psalmist of old were often times going through hard times in their lives. What did they do? They poured out their hearts to the Lord in their times of trouble. It wasn't pretty. Sometimes grumbling and cries of dispair were the order of the moment--that means they were honest before the Lord. They weren't mechanical fake bible verse quoting people--there is no power in confessing the Word when you're full of fear and worry! But fear and worry vanish when you're in the prescense of the Almighty--the prescense of Love personified. And when that happens, when you pour out your heart and then begin to experience the flow of the Holy Spirit and the new songs of the Spirit, you're strengthened. Your worldview changes once more to take in all your problems with the realization that He's there with you! You've just been strengthened to be patient. The Lord has renewed your strength! But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isa 40:31 King James Version The hebrew meaning of the word 'wait' (strongs --6960. qavah -- 'kaw-vaw')is: A primitive root; to bind together (perhaps by twisting), i.e. Collect; figuratively) to expect -- gather (together), look, patiently, tarry, wait (for, on, upon). So as we wait on the Lord, we're literally entwining ourselves with Him! In His prescense we are inspired to expect in hope. In fact some versions translate this verse as 'But they that HOPE in the Lord'. Notice also that the original Hebrew also carrys the meaning of patience, part of the Strongs entry says 'patiently'. So I'm no longer flustered. I was. I felt frustrated and tired. But in His presence I have been taught His truth and strenghtened once more to be constant in my faith that the manifestations of His promises in my life are on track! Here's the song I'm singing right now to the Lord who is my strength: I'll Wait For You--Kent Henry I'll wait for You I'll wait for You Waiting alone in the secret place Where all you say is true I'll wait for you I'll hear Your voice I'll hear Your Voice Waiting alone so silently Lord this is my choice I'll hear Your voice For those who wait will gain new strength You know they'll run and will not faint By prayer they grow not weary You wait in high You even long To hear us sing that waiting song Of Lord we will spend time with You

The Supernatural Life

The battles of our lives are fought and won in the river of His love.

It's supernatural, because we can't do it on our own.

Let the Lord love you today.

Give Him all your burdens. Give Him all your cares. Give your entire life to Him and place yourself in His mighty hands.

One wonderful way to do that is to abandon yourself to Him in His prescence.

Open your mouth and begin to sing to Him. Cry to Him. Express yourself to Him. Pour out you heart to Him.

And then let the River of His prescence flow as you worship Him in the Spirit.

Here's an extract from some wonderful material on spontaneous worship I
found from http://www.justworship.com/praisepoints/spontaneousworship.pdf:
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Ephesians 5:18-20
Be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Colossians 3:16
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

We are told to be filled with the Spirit and to let the word of Christ dwell richly, to sing and speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Psalms and hymns are known melodies and words. Spiritual songs are spontaneous, Spirit breathed songs, sung and led by the Holy Spirit in the moment. They are new songs previously unknown and unsung. Do we need this kind of song in our private and corporate worship today?
A search for the keyword 'new song' on net.bible.org reveals 9 verses (Ps. 33:3, 40:3, 96:1,
98:1, 144:9, 149:1; Isa. 42:10; Rev. 5:9, 14:3).
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God want us to live a life that is supernatural -- we are born of the Spirit after all aren't we?

It's a life where we have interuptions, intrusions and invasions of the Holy Spirit from the spiritual realm into the natural realm daily.

When that happens, we experience the supernatural realm of the Holy Spirit.

And living in the supernatural isn't as far fetched as you think.

When you pray in the Spirit -- that's supernatural.

When you flow in inspired utterence as you worship Him and pray in tongues --that's supernatural.

I have been uplifted over these last few weeks by the supernatural intrusions of the Holy Spirit in my life.

Yesterday's word from the Lord is one example.

The first two lines in this blog are another. They are actually part of two spontaneous songs I felt inspired to sing as I was worshipping the Lord on two seperate occasions. And it has a taught something I didn't know and reminded me of something I have known. It is the simple gift of prophecy.

So begin to fan the flame of the Spirit in you heart and don't let the enemy of your soul silence you.

Lift up your voice and praise the Lord, both in the Spirit, and with understanding.

Begin to live in the supernatural as you begin to hear the Lord sing and speak through you!

The Spirit of Prophecy

The Holy Spirit dwells within our hearts and not in our heads. That's something I heard Kenneth E. Hagin preach over and over again many years ago.

And it's absolutely the truth.

Tonite as I lay on my bed, tired and downcast in my mind, I began to just pray in the Spirit. I prayed in tongues.

Then I felt a flow of words. It was as if I was beside myself listening to Him speak from my heart. My mind was tired and worn out, but there was a boldness in my spirit.

I heard these words eminate from my heart out from my mouth:
Let there be the shout of the King in this place.
Let there be His praises.
No weapon formed against me shall prosper.
The life of God in me swallows up all death.
The light of God in me shines through the darkness.

The One who parted the Red Sea,
And who caused quails to fall from the sky,
And manna to fall from Heaven,
The One who fed the children of Israel 40 years in the desert,
And who fed the multitudes with five loaves and two fishes,
Will He not take care of you oh precious one?

Jesus said that out of our innermost being shall flow forth rivers of living water. This spoke He of the Holy Spirit. One of those rivers is the gift of prophecy -- inspired utterence in a known tongue.

It is the voice of the Holy Spirit. It is the shout of the king! The voice of the Lion of Judah.

Tonight I realized where the strength of my life is. He's Jesus and He lives in my heart.

When your own strength is gone, realize that you're not alone. For He who gave His life for you calls you His own.

I can still feel the fire of the Spirit burning in my heart as I write these words. I guess this is how the disciples felt on the road to Emmaus when they said, 'Did our hearts not burn within us, while He talked with us. . .'

And they said one to another, Did not our heart burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures? Luke 24:32

I just realized something only now. I actually felt led to sing 'Burn it Deep' earlier before all this. . .

BURN IT DEEP
============
Burn it deep
Within my soul
New strength and fire O Lord
Burn it deep
Within my soul
New zeal and fire O Lord
Burn it deep
Within my soul
New strength and fire
It makes me whole
Burn it deep
Deep within my soul

Oh my.

This is one supernatural nite. Indeed, we are never alone in our lives.

Thank God for Jesus. Thank God for the Holy Spirit. Thank God for the Spirit of Prophecy.

Heaven's Economy

Our entry into heaven has been bought by a source that is from heaven. Nothing that stems out from our human efforts can ever qualify us. Only heaven's provision can qualify us for heaven's acceptance. That's because God demands absolute perfection. And Jesus is that perfect sacrifice. By the same token none of our shortcomings can disqualify us.

Our sonship has been purchased by the sacrifice of Jesus. And it was planned before the foundation of the world.

4According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world,that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:

5Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,

6To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

7In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace; Eph 1:4-7 King James Version

God the Father deemed fit -- in His infinite wisdom -- to send His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for us -- in our place -- to pay the penalty for our sins. Then Jesus rose again and brought His body and His blood to the altar in Heaven, thereby offering Himself as the sacrfical lamb for us.

9Then said he, Lo, I come to do thy will, O God. He taketh away the first,that he may establish the second.

10By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.

11And every priest standeth daily ministering and offering oftentimes the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins:

12But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God;

13From henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his footstool.

14For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified.

15Whereof the Holy Ghost also is a witness to us: for after that he had said before,

16This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord, I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds will I write them;

17And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.

18Now where remission of these is, there is no more offering for sin.

19Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus,

20By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh;

21And having an high priest over the house of God;

22Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water. Heb 10: 9-22 King James Version

And He paid for all of our sins, sins that he knew in His inifinite omniscience. When I say all, I mean all. He knows them all as if He had an itemized list of them. And Jesus died on the cross for them all.

If that were not true then how could he be the Judge of the living and the dead? The book of Revelation tells us that there are books that keep record of whether we enter heaven or not.

12And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. Rev 20:12 King James Version

That passage refers to the judement those without Jesus must face. Thank God that we who have accepted Jesus will be judged by His perfect sacrifice.

But then we must now begin to esteem the perfection of that sacrifice. Jesus not only cleansed us from all our sins, He has actually purchased for us the right to now sit with him. Does not the bible say that we are seated with Christ in heavenly places? He has made us kings, priests, sons and daugthers.

5And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood,

6And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen. Rev 1:5-6 King James Version

6And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: Eph 2:6 King James Version

In Heaven's economy only one thing qualifies you. Jesus and His blood. The same holds true for prayer.

Are you coming before the Father in prayer, trying to purchase your answers with your good works? Jesus told us to pray in His Name. In other words, based on His perfect sacrifice -- on the merits of His person.

All the promises of God are Yes and Amen in Christ Jesus! You have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in Christ Jesus!

2For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. 2 Cor 1:2 NIV

2Grace be to you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.

3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: Eph 1:2-3 King James Version

It would be beneficial for us to note here that when the bible refers to spiritual blessings, it refers to the location of the source. It's not inferring that it does not mean its not physical.

When you pray for financial provision, God (the spiritual source) manifests it in the natural! The same is true for divine healing.

Why don't we recieve the manifestation of answered prayer? I've been feeling a leading in my heart of late that it's because we don't receive by grace.

The bible says that cursed is everyone who is of the works of the law.

13For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them Gal 3:13 King James Version

If you attempt to earn your way to receiving anything from God, you are under a curse.That's because all of our 'sacrifices' fall short of the mark. God's standard is absolute perfection. That's why Jesus needed to offer himself in our place.

So rely on His finished work the next time you pray because answered prayer is truly found. . . in Jesus Name.

How Well Did Jesus Do?

I'm just beginning to scrape the surface I know. But it's already changing my life.

I feel a constant stream today -- a leading to meditate on the totality of the Finished Work of Jesus on the cross.

I feel as if I'm chewing on His word in my spirit. It's a spiritual sensation that's really happening. No kidding.

I begining to experience what's descibed in the book of Hebrews as 'repentence metanoia -- changing my mind) from dead works and of faith towards God'.

The questions that cause my heart to leap with joy are:
* Can I STAND completely on the merits of the cross AND NOTHING ELSE?
* Is His work on the cross MY ONLY basis of acceptance into the Kingdom of God?
* Can this foundation stand the full weight of my dependence on it?

The answer is a resounding 'Yes!'

Think about it with me. When you ask God for something. . .let's say healing . . .what's the first thing that pops into your mind? For me it's 'how well did I do today?' or 'did I trip up morally?'

I'm beginning to realize now that I should instead be asking 'How well did Jesus do?'

If you were to hold your breath for 10 minutes and if you are a believer, you would be instantly with the Lord. You would be in Heaven. Think about it.

You're clean and pure enough in your spirit to actually go to heaven.

In fact,you're clean and pure enough in your spirit for God the Holy Spirit to actually dwell in you right now.

Why?

It's because you and I have been cleansed by the blood of the Lamb. All of our sins -- past, present and future have been punished in the body of Jesus. More than that -- because Jesus overpaid with His perfect person -- we now have the same standing as Jesus in Heaven.

We do sit with Him in Heavenly places right?

If all that is true, why shouldn't we recieve answers to our prayers? Did we attain heaven because of anything we had done?

Absolutely not. It was because of the perfect work of Jesus on the cross.

When Jesus cried 'It is finished' on the cross, the veil in the temple was rent top to bottom indicating that God's official residence on earth had moved. He was no longer seperated from man because of their sin. He paid for our sin and took it out of the way. Then on the day of pentecost He rushed into man's heart.

He rushed to be with us! Think about that the next time you ask God for something.

The Perfection of His Work

I was reminded today that as flesh and blood people, many times our 'see you there in 5 minutes' promises are usually nothing more than figures of speech for 'I'll be there in a while' and not necessarily 5 minutes!

Words have lost their weight in today's society -- they aren't accurate. As my pastor has mentioned many times in his sermons over the years: we say we 'love' God, we 'love' our significant other, but then we turn around and also say we 'love' chocolate!

That's certainly not true of God. God doesn't exagerate. He is exact and He keeps account. The Bible says that He even numbers the hairs of our head. I would venture to say that even you are not aware of how many hairs there are on your head! And my friend, that number changes every day.

So when we consider that God the Father sent Jesus to die on the cross for us, we must understand the very powerful ramifications of that act.

The spotless, perfect Son of God became sin in our place. He paid the price for us. What does that mean?

It means He took all the punishment for your sin. Past, present and future. And He paid for your sins according to His estimation and knowledge of your sin. And God knows your shortcomings better than you do.

He is the one whom the Bible describes as the One whom all things are laid bare, the One to whom we must give account. He took the punishment for our sins of commission and our sins of ommission forever.

But there's a catch. He overpaid.

At the end of the old covenant, just before Jesus went to the cross and ratified a new covenant sealed in His blood, He said, 'Up till now have you asked for nothing in my Name. Ask and you shall recieve, that your joy may be full.' What did he mean 'Up till now'? He meant that they were on the verge of a new covenant, a new day! In the dispensation of the new covenant, answered prayer would be answered based on the perfect payment made by Jesus perfect sacrifce.

So when you pray in Jesus name, God the Father answers you based on the perfect work of Jesus on the cross. I felt God challenge me today to find out the full extent of the perfection of Jesus. To the measure I understand the perfectness of the Man, is the measure I will understand how thoroughly God the Father wants to answer our prayer! He isn't 'doing us a favor' by answering our prayers. They've been OVERpaid for!!!!!!

That perfection erdicated the effects of sin! That perfection erradicated the power of sickness! That perfection erradicated poverty!

So as the greatest old testament prophet John the Baptist said, 'BEHOLD (look intently) the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world!'

And as we behold the perfection of His work, we feed on Him and we are strengthened!

The River of the Spirit

I remember when I first got saved in 1986, one of the first things I began to instinctively do was make up songs of love to the Lord.

No one taught me to do it, I just did.

Later on as I began learning more about Praise and Worship, I realized that what was happening to me was a result of being filled with the Holy Spirit.

18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;
19 Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;
Eph 5:18-19 King James Version

16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
Col 3:16 King James Version

Jesus likens the Spirit of God in our hearts to a river.

38He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.
39But this He spoke of the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were to receive; for the Spirit was not yet given, because Jesus was not yet glorified.
John 7:38-39 NASV

When we begin to worship from our innermost being, or our spirits, the Spirit of God begins to flow like a river! The founders of Integrity Hosanna descibed this like going white water rafting. You start out paddling at first, but as you begin to flow downstream, the powerful currents of the river begin to take over and soon you're just being carried along!

Kent Henry always admonishes worshippers to 'let the river flow'. I have found that when I do, new spontaneous songs begin to flow out from my heart. And more often than not, it ministers to me as well. It's actually the simple gift of prophecy in action. It's inspired utterence that encourages, uplifts and comforts. And there are times that it even teaches.

Psalms 46:4 says, 'There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, The holy dwelling places of the Most High.'(NASV)

Amen. That's us! The dwelling places of God where the river of His Spirit flows!

And that river brings us freedom and deliverence in our trials!

25And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them.
26And suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken: and immediately all the doors were opened, and every one's bands were loosed.
Acts 16:25King James Version

Is it midnight in your life? Do things look like they are the darkest? Thank God for the River of the Spirit. Let it flow and see the chains fall off and the prison doors swing open!

Hearing the Heart of God

I was Googling Kent Henry tonite and I rediscovered this wonderful prophetic song he sang in the mid 1980s. It's called Vessels of Honor. It really reveals God's hearbeat for us.

Talk about a holy moment in time.

It foretold that there would be a time that God's Words would burn in our hearts deeper within us full of His Grace. That moment would be a time where those behind the plow would be called to understand His abundant grace.

20 years later we're living in those times foretold in this prophetic song. That time is now.

After listening, I feel that yearning, aching and hungering for God once more. That river of worship, that wonderful river of worship. It's been a long time, but it's still there. That hunger for the Lord.

When we come into contact with true worpshippers like Kent Henry, he begins to draw that river out from us. He begins to make us cherish the things of Heaven, the things of the Spirit, the things of God.

I miss that so much.

Here's a transcript of that prophetic song.

Vessels of Honor
=============

There is an hour
When my fear will return

There is an hour
My words will burn

Deeper within you
Full of my grace
I'll show you
in my Spirit

There is a moment
Where I must use you now

There is a moment
I call those behind the plow

To know and understand my mercy
To understand my abundant grace

This is the hour
That my fear shall return

This is the hour
Well my word will begin to burn

This is the hour
Where you will bow every knee

You who began in my Spirit
You who began in my Spirt
You who began in my Spirt
They will see

For you have not cried alone
that I have not seen it says the Lord
You haven't cried alone
that I haven't seen it says the Lord

For I have been crying for years
For a people lost and seperated from me
Open up your hearts
And you will see

That I've been there
in every dark and weary hour

That I've been there
in every dark and weary hour

You haven't walked one mile
or one inch alone

For I have watched over you
Did you forget I knit your bones?

So rise up, and be my people
Set aside for the work of my holiness

So rise up, be that holy people
That I have ordained from years ago

You are my vessels of honor
My channels of power

You're my vessels of honor
My channels of power

No and I haven't turned you
Haven't turned you aside

For I've engravened you on My hand
that you could ride with Me

As My vessels of honor
Don't you know you're my channels of power

Well you are my vessels of honor,
You are My channels of power

And I've reserved you for such,
Such a time as this

So you could come before me in worship
As it were, be kissed

For you're My vessels of honor
Don't you know you're my channels of power

You are my Vessels of Honor,
You are my only channels of power

For you who have given your heart
to Me in this place
Are coming to understand
How to finish out your race

As vessels of honor
And channels of My power

You are My vessels of honor
You are My channels of my power

You are My vessels of honor
You're My channels of power
Reserved for this holy hour

Vessels of honor and channels of power

You are My vessels
You are My vessel
Are you listening my children?
You are
My vessels of honor
And channels of power

Channels of my power

Here's a YouTube link to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7okmI3MA9Mk

A Supernatural Taxi Ride

The day I had been dreading had arrived. It was time to go to church and serve in the choir again.

I actually was in such dispair that I actually couldn't sleep last nite. I finally only got bedded down only at 5.30am and had to cancel meeting Amous for second service because I was just too tired. I smsed him at 7.52am and told him I couldn't make it.

As I always do when I'm sad, I sleep after I worry. Don't ask me why, but that's my coping mechanism. So my plan was to actually sleep till evening and not go to church. So I went back to sleep after smsing Amous.

I awoke again at 12.40pm and thought to my self that I would sms my choir leader to tell him that I was not coming for duty, that I was unwell. Then I felt a check in my heart. If I did that, if I ran away from this, would I look back to this moment and wonder if had missed out on God's complete deliverance because I had taken matters into my own hands by running away?

I jumped out of bed and washed-up quickly, and picked-up my handphone to call a cab. I had half an hour to get there. The cab came 12 minutes after I managed to book one. The driver was really blur, turning past the building and then coming back down the slope again a minute later after reaching the deadend up the slope. Great, now I get a blur driver.

'Why the turning so weird one ah?', was the first the thing the driver said when I got in. 'Haha...', I responded as I thought what a blur case this guy was.

While in the cab my emotions began to make their prescense felt. Sadness, shame and dispair. I was going to be late, so I smsed my leader that I was going to get there 5 to 10 minues late.

Then it happened.

As I lifted my eyes away from my phone and out the taxi window, a gunmetal gray silver surface catches my eye, invading my peripheral vision, it's the side panel of a van. Right in the middle of the panel in a bold black typeface are these words:

'Is There Anything Too Difficult For The Lord?

I am startled back to reality. Not my natural reality, but the supernatural reality of God's involvement in my life.

If you were the taxi driver, you would have suddenly heard me saying, 'No. . .no'.

So in the midst of all my emotional turmoil, God saw it fit this afternoon to speak to me through the side panel of a van belonging to a ministry called 'Living Stones'.

As I'm writing this entry, I am reminded of a spontaneous song I sang yesterday during worship. In essence the song said that I couldn't make it on my own, that I needed a touch from Him and that it would be Supernatural.

And indeed relying fully on God is a supernatural journey. Lord, I cast all my cares on You. I rely on You. You alone are my strength in this valley.

And NOTHING is too difficult for You.

The Selah -- Finders Keepers

For us many times we feel like we've failed in ife. I know I have. This morning while I was on the way to work I was thinking, 'what would people think of me? Good Lord, what a looser'.

Then I felt this burst of life in my heart accompanied by the words 'Finders Keepers Loosers Weepers'.

As I meditated on that, the Lord began show me the woman sweeping her house for the lost coin.

We may be think that we're 'Loosers Weepers' but for God, He looks at us and thinks 'Finders Keeprs'.

We often say we 'found Jesus'. But the truth of the matter is that He found us. And He certainly intends to hold on to us.

To Him, we're like a man who found buried treasure! The Bible tells of a man who sold all he had to buy the pearl of great price. Jesus gave up Heaven to die on the cross so that you and I could enjoy heaven on earth today as accepted children to the Father.

I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind but now I see.

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace
Chris Tomlin

'Do you want to be important to man or to me?' I hear Him say.

To You Lord,to You.

The Selah

I was just thinking whether it was wise to have been so open about what has been happening to me recently. Because, honestly, it dosen't look very pretty. All this thrashing around. All these expressions of doubt. All this uncertainty. I mean what would people think of me? All these wonderful blog entries then suddenly. . .reality strikes!

Like the saying goes, reality bites -- and Eugene's ass sure got bit.

But I am reminded that that's what happened in the Bible.

The Word of God does not whitewash people's lives. It's a Book of very real lives -- lives that went through tragedy, dissapointment, failure.

Take a look at the Book of Psalms. You find many song entries expressing great frustration and sadness. In the New Testament, take a look at Paul's life. The revelation that God's grace is made sufficient came after Paul -- 'God's man of power for the hour' -- got down on his knees and begged God to remove a tormenting personality he was experiencing in his life.

Paul characterized his cry as human weakness. But then like many of the Psalmist who cried out to God and poured out their souls to the Lord, there came the Selah and the revelation of God's ability to empower us in our weakness.

The moment when we still oursleves before the Lord after our initial cries of anguish -- that's when we realize that He is still good.

But the amazing thing here is that the Holy Spirit saw fit to display the weaknesses of His people in the Bible. It was as if these fallable lives were a backdrop where His mercy and amazing love shone. How can love be fully seen unless there is a reciepient?

So I'm going to continue to keep things real in this blog. I am tired of religeous formulas and fake churchianity. I know I serve a living God.

I have poured out my heart. I now wait on the Lord to hear and see him in the midst of my troubles.

I am treating this as an experiment in Grace. That's because I know and believe the Love God has for me.

1 John 4:16-19 (New King James Version)
16 And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.
17 Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 19 We love Him because He first loved us.

I have poured out my heart. Now I await the revelation of His love.

Selah.

Some Thoughts on My Latest Dead Hamster Moment

I'm still recovering from last nite's meet-up with my Music Ministry leaders. Where do I begin? Where I felt misunderstood? Where I felt defended? Where I felt I was able to air my opinions? Where I felt I was judged?

Before I go down this road of sharing what happened and how I feel about it, I want to say that the leaders in the New Creation Church Music Ministry are some of the most loving, caring, patient and well meaning people I have come across in all my years in Christian circles. Indeed the message of Grace has impacted these lives and has built a ministry that is excellent but loving. Really.

The meeting was scheduled for 7.15pm at the Rock Auditorium but only got underway at 7.30pm. The two leaders I was told I would meet were there, and to my surprise my worship pastor decided to join in.

After some preliminary smalltalk, the session began. My Choir Leader said she felt that she had already dealt with the technical aspects of my singing and that was closed. But she had heard from another leader whom I have been close contact with that I was affected by the auditon and was thinking of whether I was going to leave the ministry.

I told her that was true. I had not made up my mind yet, but I had felt that if I could not contribute meaningfully to the ministry, then maybe it was time for me to go. I shared that either I was a 'has been' or the ministry had moved to a style that was different from what I had to offer. I mean if I didn't sing in the Choir anymore, it would not make any difference from a vocal point of view. It may make a difference because I would no longer be in as much contact with the friends I had made in the choir.

My Choir Leader said she had felt that I was too sensitive and that was just the way I was made. My pastor quipped to my Choir Leader, 'Why? You talking from experience is it?' That surprised me. Here was a man that was willing not to tow the party line after all. Not bad.

My Choir Leader said that she felt insulted (the way it was said was not at all vindictive so please don't read too much into this) that I thought she was being nice to me when she said I could sing well. I told her that I was actually complimenting her and that I thought she was reaching out to me. Laughter all around. Great. Now that got defused well enough.

My Choir Leader then mentioned that this would also cause me to check my motivations for joining the ministry.

I thought that went abit too far.

I assured everyone in the room that I was content to be singing in the choir and that I had made no attempt at all to draw any attention to myself. I was happy to be 'just one of the guys' and 'in the shadows' I said.

In fact I had not pulled any strings or made any hints to get an audition. But now that this had happened and turned out the way it did, it was embarrassing and painful. This had nothing to do with joining the ministry to be seen. I said I joined the ministry because I felt the call of God on my life and I knew how the anointing felt. The messages I had preached in YAM 10 years ago were still as fresh in my heart today as then. I missed flowing in the anointing, including leading worship.

I wondered out loud why this had happened. It was as if I was singled out for a painful experience.

Pastor shared about how sometimes painful situations can turn around for good. He recounted how his mum got saved when His dad was in ICU. He also shared that this audition was after all for the back-up team (there are some there he said that had also been rejected previously but were re-selected later)and not about worship leading.(You mean there's hope? I thought. Haha).

Then he said something that touched me.

At the end of the day, the audition was man's report and not God's report. Whose report did I believe?

I thought I registered shocked looks from the other two leaders in the room. That surprised me. Here was a man that was willing not to tow the party line after all. Not bad at all.

I assured everyone in the room that I had great respect for the leaders in the ministry (and I do) and that I would submit to them (and I will). I shared that last time I left the music ministry because I was idealistic and young, but that I did not want to do that again. I told Pastor that in fact, I had not even contacted Jack and told him what I was going through. I did not want there to be any hint of human manupalation on my part.

Pastor shared that this may be a time where it may lead me to cast off the weight and sin that so easily besets us to run the race set before me to fix my eyes on Jesus.

Now this is the part I don't really agree with. I mean what weight is he talking about? There's no weight here. It's just shame and humiliation that I feel! I have been fixing my eyes on the Lord. How does anyone think I've managed to maintain an even keel though all this?

Pastor and the Choir Leader mentioned Moses (he came to a point of brokeness that he could even speak properly. . .I guess this is what they meant) and how David went back to being a shepherd boy even after being anointed. And that David did whatever his father asked him to do.

Pastor said that there was great favor on my life (I wonder what that's all about?) but that it would increase if I submitted.

I told everyone that I would not do anything rash. The reason that I was here was to listen to the collective wisdom of the leaders and that I would tread carefully and not just leave. God had spoken to me in the course of this incident about being like David. So this may very well be what he meant -- to just do whatever my hands find to do in God's house.

So that was the end of the session. This is how I feel now.

I guess at the end of the day I'm earnest to see this through so that I can experience God's will in it's entirety.

The sadness I feel in all of this is that I feel my leaders think I have a motivation problem. That I've come back to the ministry with an agenda for some self seeking attention.

I'm just feeling embarrassed that I've been rejected and found wanting vocally. It's that simple. Nothing more nothing less. Is that so difficult to understand?

It was an audition I never asked for. I was singled out and rejected. Now it seems to be the same for this 'debrief' that I also did not want (and come to think of it. . .predicted correctly what they would say hahaha) and now have to deal with all these feelings of being misunderstood.

They said that I would have to learn to just doing what my hands find to do and be about the Father's business. Well actually that's what I've already been doing before this incident. They said that I would have ot learn to submit. That's what I already have been doing before(and now after) this incident.

I mean to be honest, does it mean that what I need to be a better man is a healthy dose of humiliation and broken self-esteem? It does seem rather cruel if that's the truth.

So after all is said and done. I still don't know what this is all about. The only thing I've gained through all this is seeing people love me even when they think I have a character flaw! This is so weird that I really don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Again don't get me wrong. I really do believe that all the leaders in that session really do love me!

I don't know. I'm not going to do anything rash, but the more I think about this, the more I think maybe it would be better to leave.

Perhaps I should really do a slow gradual retreat. Being in the Choir is not a crutch to me. I'm actually quite happy not being in the ministry. Especially with all this stuff happening.

Sometimes I feel the alternative of just singing to Jesus in the bathroom and in the congregation and blessing my friends with my blog is what I should do.

I will continue singing my spontaneous songs only to me and be glad that 10 years ago, I had a chance to bless people with the gift of leading worship in my life. I'm happy that I got the chance to do back-up for Phil Driscoll, Geoff Bullock and even Bob Fitts. I'm happy that I got a chance to lead worship for the New Creation Church mid-week services where Pastor Prince told me he appreciated the anointing in my life and where he gave me a word that I was called and that I should not let the fear of man stop me, not even my senior pastor.

But that was 10 years ago. It looks like now it's really all over.

Wah lau. Sounds pathetic right? Well it's not the end of the world. Jesus still loves me. Maybe I should move on. Maybe I should have done that a week ago.

I don't know. But I do know that Jesus is still here with me. And He will guide me though all this.

And if you're wondering what the title of this blog is all about, go and read the first blog entry in Alive and Writing.

I Resign

Today I awoke from bed and began inexplicably to feel a little out of sorts.I think it must be because its the beginning of the work week after a lovely long weekend.

Hahaha.

Or perhaps it's because I'm actually going to my first choir rehearsal tonite after the last episode of the very embarassing audtion I had a few weeks ago. Or perhaps I'm supposed to meet two leaders in the music ministry tonite for the audition debrief. I think it's mainly because of that! Come to think of it, I actually had a nitemare last nite about the music ministry.

I think it still haunts me, what happened at the audition.

But as I'm writing this blog entry now -- it's about 11am in the morning, and I'm at my workstation -- I'm reminded to resign from the post of God of Eugene's life.

I told Kevin something the other day that keeps coming back to me. 'Everytime you feel stressed out about something, it's because you've become more important than God in your own life.'

Absolutely.

If I'm suddenly my own God and I have to take over the reigns of my life, then puny old me is going to have a real stressful time working out all the details.

So I now officially tender my resignation.

God is God and I am not.

I am his child. Rested, secure and stress free! And since He's God, He's taking care of it all for me!

I actually thought of resigning from the ministry, but now on second thoughts it might be better if I first resigned from being in charge of my life.

I'm handing over everything again into His loving hands -- and it feels good!

Worthy is the Lamb

Over the years have you noticed many well known ministries that have suffered spectacular failures,when the ministers themselves have been found guitly of commiting the very sins they preached so hard against?

I remember one minister who went very hard against homosexuality, only to be later found to be visiting male prostitutes himself.

Tonight as I was having dinner with Kevin and we were talking, it occured to me that these individuals were victims of shame and legalism. They couldn't face the ugliness of their lives and bring themselves to believe that God still accepted them and loved them.

I dare say that what these ministers went through mirror what many of us go through in our daily lives. The only difference between us and them is how public their lives are.

Let me explain. When we fall spectacularly into a sin that we've been working hard NOT to do, we are horrified! Horrified at how utterly ugly we are, how depraved we are. What do we do then? We're so ashamed! So we 'Reeeeeeeeeepent', not just repent.

Not really.

What we usually do is hate ourselves and then scold ourselves in our hearts. And when we've done that enough, we tell God we're sorry, and we finally allow ourselves to be forgiven only after we've purposed in our hearts NOT to do the same thing again.

When we see someone else caught in the same sin -- we are horrified! How could THEY do such a thing? We go in hard because it reminds us of our shame.

This my friend is a recipe for disaster. Because in my life when I've done that -- look away from the ugliness of my sin to cover it up with my will power in promising NOT to do it again -- I always end up doing the same sin again.

Instead of simply accepting His grace -- His full unmerited forgiveness -- I feel that 'my purposing not to sin again' or 'hating myself' can somehow earn me my forgiveness.

But God is showing me something different. He that knows us the most loves us the most.

He wants us to look at our ugliness -- all the sins and failures we have commited -- squarely, and know that He still loves us like that. That my friend is understanding that we are the righteousness of God. It is scandalous (1 Cor 1:23 -- the greek for stumbling block is skandalon, where we get the English word scandal). It is the truth.

Perhaps this is why Paul always referred to himself as the chief of all sinners (1 Tim 1:15). He faced his sins sqaurely, but in the light of God's unmerited favour and forgivenss.

Once your heart grasps that, sin falls away from your life like dead leaves.

That is why in Heaven, they all sing 'Worthy is the Lamb'. Because of the greatness of His sacrifice for us. Great because of the greatness of our sins. Notice it dosen't say Worthy is the One who did so many mighty miracles. He is the Lamb, the sacrificial Lamb that took all our sins.

And He is the Lamb that was slain from the foundations of the earth (Rev 13:8).

He knew all our days before we even live them. God lives outside of time. To us time is linear. To Him He see all time as if it was today. He knew on the cross every single sin you are about to commit even before it happens. And He forgave you and cleansed you and bore your punishment for it on the cross.

Your future sins have all been taken care of on the cross. And that's the truth.

Worthy is the Lamb.

Stop being Part of the Mob

I'm beginning to come to a place in my life that all the religeous doctrines I have had -- that has put God within the limitations of my narrow-minded religeous doctrines -- is falling away. I feel like I'm loosing control, only to find that when I do, He is indeed real.

That's because He's not a manufactured doctrine. He's a living being.

I find myself refraining from telling people how they should live their lives. Instead I find myself telling them how loving and gracious God has been to me and how much He still loves them in spite of their struggles.

My religeous mind gets horrified that I am not 'dealing with sin in people's lives' by telling them 'the right thing to do'.

I find myself telling people that God still loves them even when they are struggling in sin. That's because that's what He has been telling me.

But I am in awe when I see the love of God move so deeply in people's lives when they meet Jesus through my life. This love changes lives from the inside out. I know, because it has changed mine.

What hypocrites we are, when we thumb our noses at others -- when we can't even change our own lives by ourselves. If we're really honest about it -- it's always His love and grace in our life that has changed us permanently. Always.

My friend Kevin shared with me over dinner yesterday how he had reached out to a former colleague who had left New Creation because she was struggling with a lesbian relationship and a broken relationship with her dad. Kevin shared with her that God still loved her and accepted her. Through the course of a few weeks, God's love touched her to the point that she came back to church together with her dad and her whole family. When Kevin told a Christian relative the good news that 'another soul was coming back to the Lord', he was met with the terse reply that 'I feel sorry for you and the girl because she is living in sin'.

Kevin's relative joined the mob that gathered to stone the woman caught in adultery.

Did you notice that in the gospels only those who were aware of their failures were drawn to Jesus? But the Pharisees stood in judgement of these very ones Jesus reached out to.

Did Jesus tell the woman at the well that she was a terrible person? He simply told her that she had been involved in multiple relationships, but that His love would satisfy her. Jesus was the answer. And he didn't judge her.

Did Jesus tell the woman caught in adultery 'I feel sorry for you that you're in sin *tsk *tsk*'?

He did tell her to sin no more, but only after he said,'Woman, where are your accusers? Neither do I condemn you.'

I'm begining to realize that our part is to point people to His unconditional love. Then God takes care of the rest.

But first let's take a good look at ourselves and how merciful God has been to us.

We're not there to judge them. I've discovered that that kind of attitude just dosen't do anything for people's lives. You know what? Most of the time peole already know the right thing to do, and find that they can't do it, and they are just so condemned in their hearts.

What they need is to abandon themselves to the person of Jesus just as they are and let the Shepherd of their souls heal and restore them back to spiritual health!

If Kevin had taken that attitude his relative had, I dare say that Kevin's colleague would have just gone all the way into living recklessly and she would not have come back to church or to the Lord.

I seem to recall Jesus telling someone (see Luke 7:36-48) that -- I'm paraphrasing -- him who is forgiven much loves much, and that him who who is forgiven little loves litte.

But the point behind this saying is that we are all forgiven much aren't we? It's only those with a faulty estimation that think they are forgiven little.

God Demands Perfection

God is perfect, so you must also be perfect. That's clear from the Ten Commandments.

The Bible says that if you break just one law, you are found guilty of breaking the entire Law. When Jesus walked on the earth, he took it one step further.

If you merely look at a woman to lust after her, He said, you have already commited adultery in your heart. If you hate your brother in your heart, you have already commited murder.

Jesus wanted us to know that we are not to bring God's Law down to a human level -- of merely conforming to an outward form, rather, we are to look at the unbending perfection of God's Law.

Jesus wants us to realize that God's Law is not just incredibly difficult to keep.

It is absolutely impossible to keep.

So why then did he not accuse the woman caught in adultery? So why then did he freely forgive prostitutes?

That's because He came to take the punishment for all of mankind.

He didn't come to condemn the world. He came to save it. He came to save us. He came to love us -- even when we couldn't be good, holy or righteous. In fact we were just the opposite.

God's perfect Law had been transgressed by man and justice demanded perfect retribution. But only a perfect sacrifice could satisfy the perfect requirement of Heaven's judicial system.

That perfect sacrifice was Jesus.

The spotless, sinless Son of God, died on the cross as the Son of Man -- in our place -- so that heaven's demand for justice might be satisfied -- once and for all.

When Jesus wrote the Ten Commandments on the sand, in front of the mob that had gathered to stone the woman caught in adultery, He knew that He would pay the penalty for man breaking every single one of those commandments.

Then he said to the crowd,'Him who is without sin, cast the first stone'. The mob dispersed, ashamed.

But He who could have cast a stone himself, said, 'Woman, where are your accusers?' He than said,'Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more'.

The perfect sinless Son of God is the only sacrifice that is able to meet Heaven's demands for justice.

And He fully paid for our sins on the cross!

You'll never be able to be good enough in your own efforts. Neither has anyone else throughout history. Realize that and you'll find the rest in Jesus that you've been seeking after. He is your Righteousness.

The Majesty of the Man

When Jesus walked on the earth, He drew the downcast, the rejected and the scorned to himself.

He ate with tax collectors and prostitutes.

There was something about Him. Something that made the lost realize that they were somehow significant. That they were important to Him.

Jesus told His audience, 'For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes on Him shall not perish, but shall have eternal life, God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.'

When the woman caught in adultery was brought before him in all her shame, only He stood up for her. Jesus wrote on the ground on that day using his finger. The symbolism of that act is inescapable. The only other time in the Bible where God wrote with His finger was when the Ten Commandments were given. I believe Jesus had written the Ten Commandments on the ground. Jesus then looked up and around to the crowd who had gathered to stone the woman and said, 'Who is without sin cast the first stone'. One by one the crowd thinned and dispersed till there was no one but Jesus and her.'Woman, where are your accusers?' He asked -- Love himself was talking here -- 'neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.'

The Majesty of the Man.

When Pontius Pilot brought Jesus before Him, Jesus came with no weapons. In fact Jesus had to reattach and heal the ear of one of the people that had come to arrest him because Peter had lobbed it off with a sword -- to which Peter received the Lord's rebuke.

Jesus appeared before Pontius Pilot beaten and bruised. Yet Pontius Pilot knew that he was in the prescence of real Royalty -- Heavenly Rolyalty. Pilot asked Jesus -- in the fear of a dawning realization that he was indeed standing before someone not of this world -- 'To what world do you belong?'

And even after he had reluctently delivered Jesus to be crucified -- because he feared that the Jews would report him to the Roman government that he did not carry out Roman law -- this hardened man wrote on a placard 'King of the Jews' and placed it on the Cross of Jesus -- much to the consternation of the Jews.

Why? Because He had seen and heard Heaven in the prescence of the Son of God.

The Majesty of the Man.

But Jesus still walks among us today. He still sits down with the broken and downcast and scorned.

He sits down with you and me.

He still speaks words of Love to our failures, brokeness and shame and says,'where are your accusers? neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more'.

He has never left us. He's never left me. And I will tell the world of this Love that found me and leads me daily. I will tell the world of my Servant King, Jesus.

Hearing the Voice of Love

When I find that I'm vexed about things, I generally end up complaining about it.

It comes out one way or the other.

I complain to myself, I grumble -- it even spills over into my conversations with people around me.

In the back of my mind I wonder why God doesn't give me a better deal.

I mean why do other people live in such big houses when I'm stuck in my run down HDB apartment? Why do other people have nice watches when all I have is a miserable G-Shock?

When I'm vexed with myself, it's a very private affair. I wallow in the misery of my failures -- many times unspoken -- to myself. Why did you do this when you knew it was wrong? Why did you do that? Why are you so sinful?

Then in the midst of all that, I hear God ask me, 'Why haven't you been talking to me about all those problems instead of talking to yourself, to others, and even to the enemy?'

Immediately all the stress left.

I was wondering what He meant by talking to the enemy. Then I realized that the thoughts going through my mind pointing me to all my failures, and seeming missed opportunty, came from the enemy of my soul.

Then the Lord began to impress on my heart this.

If the Creator of the earth we live on -- the One who created all the gold, all the silver; the One who flung existence into being -- lives in my heart, what is stopping me from receiving keys to success directly from Him?

If the Creator God lives IN my heart, why am I looking to external sources for my success?

Faith indeed works by love. The Voice of Love himself.

Does God Tempt us with Evil?

Two verses from the book of James, Chapter 1, caught my attention today.

13Let no one say when he is tempted, I am tempted from God; for God is incapable of being tempted by [what is] evil and He Himself tempts no one. James 1:13 Amplified Bible

17Every good gift and every perfect (free, large, full) gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of all [that gives] light, in [the shining of] Whom there can be no variation [rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [as in an eclipse]. James 1:17 Amplified Bible

Did you notice that it's not God tempting us with evil? God is good and he gives us good gifts. Place this in the context of Chapter 1 and you will readily see that it refers to trials and temptations that believers face.

Chapter 1 goes on to describe the trials and tests as trials that prove our faith.

In other words, they are designed to prove (or test) our faith -- to call into question what we believe about God or what He has promised us.

Now did God send these trials? We have just seen that He dosen't tempt anyone with evil. We have just seen that he dosen't waver in being good. And if God is the author of our faith, why would He then do something to subsequently undermine His work? No the Bible clearly identifies who is at work here:

19While anyone is hearing the Word of the kingdom and does not grasp and comprehend it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the roadside. Mathew 13:19 Amplified Bible

So Jesus sows the word in hearts, but the evil one works to snatch it away.

But once faith is born in the believer's heart, God equips the believer with a spiritual force that effects endurance and steadfastness and patience to establish us in our the faith.

3Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.

4But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing. James 1:3-4 Amplified Bible (emphasis in italics placed by me)

Notice the phrases 'bring out' and 'let' when refering to endurance and steadfastness and patience. Those phrases denote an active force apart from your will power!'

Endurance and steadfastness and patience' here actually comes from the greek word hupomone. The root word for hupomone is hupomeno, meaning cheerful (or hopeful) endurance, constancy -- enduring, patience, patient continuance (waiting).

So this spiritual force empowers us to be CONSTANT and UNWAVERING -- in endurance and steadfastness and patience -- in our our belief in what God has already shown us!

Did you hear Him encourage you lately? Did you feel His love for you? Was that love communicated by His wonderful prescence in your heart? Were you reminded that you were the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, even when you failed?

That my friend is the spiritual force that strengthens you to be steadfast in youur faith! That is the Holy Spirit living in your heart today empowering you to be constant in believing His promises in the face of adversity.

26But when the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Advocate, Intercessor, Strengthener, Standby) comes, Whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of Truth Who comes (proceeds) from the Father, He [Himself] will testify regarding Me. John 15:26 Amplified Bible

So whenever you face a trial that makes you doubt that God loves you, or that His promises are true, just know it didn't come from your Heavnly Father.

Instead, listen to His voice on the inside of you that assures you that you are indeed a prisoner of hope, a recipient of righteousness and an heir of all the promises of God in Christ Jesus.

A Spirit of Thankfulness

I've begun to realize a change in the way I have been facing life after learning how to turn my problems, cares and concerns over to the Lord.

I've begun to be alot more rested in my heart. And I've found that I have been giving thanks to the Lord a whole lot more.

Instead of praying for things, I have begun to thank him that He's taking care of it for me!

And boy do I have alot to thank him for! Well at this juncture, you would be forgiven for 'reading in-between the lines' and concluding that Eugene's life must be full of challenges. I sometimes think that there are so many problems I can think of that I might as well throw myself at the Lord! Hahaha.

While that may be true -- that there are many problems, it is also entirely true that God's taking care of these problems for me -- because I have turned them over to him.

And great and mighty things are going to be wrought by my Great and Mighty God!

Herein lies a new perepective that I've gotten. When we cast our cares to the Lord and begin our journey of thanking him for a positive outcome inspite of outward circumstances that are arrayed against us, we are in the best place a believer can find himself in. Why?

Because when we are weak, then we are strong.

Because dependance is faith.

And let me be clear that having a spirit of thankfulness means that I'm thanking Him in every circumstance -- not for every circumstance!

and He said to me, 'Sufficient for thee is My grace, for My power in infirmity is perfected;' most gladly, therefore, will I rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of the Christ may rest on me:' 2 Cor 12:19 Young's Literal Translation

Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. Eph 6:16 King James Version

give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thess 5:18 New International Version

When we're in a posture of dependance, thats when we're in a posture of faith in His ability to see us through. It's a posture of absolute stress-free restedness.

And because of Him, we're in a positon to receive Heaven's best inspite of the Devil's worst.

In that posture of dependance, we become God's trophies of Grace, on display for everyone to see, pointing to the fact that there is indeed a good God in this world!

I'm so thankful to a wonderful faithful God whose taking care of me to solve all the problems in my life!

He's Taking Care of Business

Tonight as I was standing in line at the POSB Cash Deposit machine, I found myself just weighed down by all my financial problems. I found myself worrying how I would ever repay all the debts I had accumulated over these last few years.

I then remembered that it was going to be Tuesday tomorrow, and I was scheduled to meet the folks from the Music Ministry on Wednesday -- what would they say? How would I respond? Do I still want to stay in the ministry? Should I go?

Worry worry worry worry!

Then I felt a check in my heart: I took care of you last week right? I spoke to you that you were a prisoner of hope right? Why don't you let me take care of you?

That got my attention.

Why am I carrying all this by myself? I began to hand my financial problems over to the Lord right there at the ATM que.

I saw him in my heart taking over the burden of repaying all my debts. My heart began to feel so much lighter! Then I got smart. I thought why not give it ALL to him? Why am I carrying any of my problems at all? I began to see the Lord in my heart going about taking up all my problems: problems at work, problems in the ministry, problems with my relationships.

Then this phrase appeared on my heart:'God's taking care of business.'

I then realized that He was actually going about taking care of these areas of my life like a businessman going about His business! We're that important to the Lord. What's important to us is important enough for Him to want to take care of . . Himself.

And like a businessman going about his business, our problems are a priority for Him to solve. He wants to solve my problems! After all the Bible does say that 'He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it'!

*Phew* I felt the courage return to my heart.

I mean if the Master of Creation himself is taking care of my debts, my debts don't stand a chance of surviving God's provision!

And if God's taking care of my problems in ministry, then all things will work together for my good! I may not understand what to do just yet. But I am relieved that He's taking care of it for me.

If you think about it, this is just like when David met Goliath on the battlefield. If you looked at the encounter in the natural, David was much smaller physically than Golaith was. But if you looked at it from a spiritual standpoint, Goliath was just a tiny speck compared to how big God was!

That's why David said ' . . .you come against me with the sword and spear, but I come against you in the Name of the Lord of Hosts.' So on the battlefield of my life, I'm going to let my BIG God fight my battles for me.

Before writing this entry, I checked up on 1 Peter 5:7.

7 Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5:7(Amplified)

Isn't it interesting to note that God actually invites us to give our cares to him. That means He needs us to cooperate.

I'm sure glad I have.

Another interesting point to note is that the word 'cast' literally means to 'cast upon'. I've always thought I was just casting my problems away from me. But tonight, I've realized that what Jesus wants me to do is to cast my problem AT Him. And He's certainly big and powerful enough to take all my problems and handle them!!!!! I pity the problems. . .hahaha.

So tomorrow when I am tempted to worry again. My confession is going to be "God is taking care of business".

And Eugene's life is His business.

This Blog is Supernatural

Today what happened in church totally freaked me out.

As pastor reached the 3/4 mark in his sermon he suddenly switched track and said, 'We are known as the post 9-11 generation. A generation marked by no hope. But we have something better. Zachariah 9-11.' Then he said this: 'We are Prisoners of Hope'. He then began to elaborate what it meant to be a prisoner of hope. What he described was exactly how I felt that Friday night. When we reach the end of ourselves, and our lives are shattered, He still ministers life, not death and gives us reason to have a positive expectation of good. 'We can't help it. . .not matter what we do we are still loved and accepted', pastor said.

My hair stood up on end! That's because on 2 days ago on Friday night, that was exaxtly what I had posted on this blog. That was exactly what God had spoken to my heart. I didn't even know that phrase was in the Bible! But God did.

I don't know about you, but this is one of those moments that I just want to be quiet and stand in awe that I had a God encounter -- a holy moment.

It just goes to show that when we are totally ourselves, with no pretense and no formulas, God shows up and we experience Him in his fullness.

Thank God for His faithfulness to us.

Thank God for His love.

Real Life

I'm writing this entry primarily to Christians, and how I wish we would all start being real, and stop being fake.

Since starting this blog a few days ago, I have been thinking about why I started it in the first place. I guess it was with the raison detre of being. . .real.

There are many closet 'real' people that I know. Ha ha.

What are you talking about Eugene? You may ask. What I'm saying is that not many people dare to be themselves. We hide away and choose a facade we want to show the world.

But I have seen many peep out at me through the cracks. And it's really wonderful when that happens.

I have found in my personal experience that when that happens -- when we reach out from our private lives and share with each other who we really are -- good things happen. Friendships deepen. Wisdom is shared. Lives are strengthened.

Over these last few months, I have had the priviledge of having conversations with 're-aquainted past aquaintences'. Somehow, in the course of our catching-up, we have found ourselves having the courage to open up, warts and all, to each other. The result has been a wonderful realization that we indeed can be real with each other, and not come out the worse for it! In fact, I have been enriched by these moments. . .because when we open up about our brokeness, we also end up talking about God's faithfulness.

I have seen God move in the most unconventional ways in my friend's lives -- lives that most religious Christians would write off as flawed.

But God dosen't see us that way. In fact, He who knows us the most, loves us the most.

So my point is this. Let's begin that journey of being honest. Both with ourselves and with each other and let's stop being. . .fake.

When was the last time you dished out a model answer to someone who was going through something? When was the last time you dished out some glib slogan thinking that was what it took to be a fervent Christian? Well, don't.

True transformation comes from a touch from the Lord. It's not something you have to make-up. In fact, when you're totally real with yourself and with God, then that's when you'll recieve the most of Him and from Him.

That's because He's a living being. Not a formula.

So stop dishing out those formulas to others. It's empty, hollow. . .and fake. Without God, being real means life is crass and ugly. But if you're born again, being real means you get to experience His touch in your brokeness.

So let's start living and giving -- Real Life.

Be yourself. Let Him love you. Then love others. It'll change your world. It's certainly changed mine.